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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968708">Who do I love | Yaotome Gaku</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCiella/pseuds/CaptainCiella'>CaptainCiella</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Acting, F/M, Forbidden Love, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Idols, Love Confessions, Modeling, Professionalism, Reader-Insert, Workplace Relationship, reader is an actress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:08:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCiella/pseuds/CaptainCiella</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>He ardently pushed you onto the bed and put his hands on both sides of your head. You craved for a kiss, as you felt his eager breath against your lips. You wanted a <i>real kiss</i>, not like the others he had given you a few seconds before, light and polite as if he was restraining himself of going too far. You were already <i>too far</i>, there was no point of return ever since he had kissed you in the doorstep of this hotel room.</p>
</blockquote>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Yaotome Gaku/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Who do I love | Yaotome Gaku</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted in April 2019 on dA - but as you may know, it will soon change its layout and I'm not a big fan so just in case, I just move my fics here. I find Ao3 easier to navigate than the new dA (okay I didn't even try to adapt but... you know).</p>
<p>I had finished the plot since November 2018, so yeah, it's kinda old but I struggled so much to find a title, I'm terribly bad at this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He ardently pushed you onto the bed and put his hands on both sides of your head. You craved for a kiss, as you felt his eager breath against your lips. You wanted a <em>real </em>kiss, not like the others he had given you a few seconds before, light and polite as if he was restraining himself of going too far. You were already <em>too far</em>, there was no point of return ever since he had kissed you in the doorstep of this hotel room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was the right hand of his boss and you were both the wife of his boss and the latter’s secretary. It was an arranged marriage since your family was well-off and powerful in any kind of business. You were bored of your marriage: nothing new nor thrilling, even at the beginnings. Your husband was always coming back late and you barely have had a decent conversation with him, as he was always interrupted by a call or a last-minute meeting. Marriage was only an alliance and how naive you were when you thought you would have a loving and caring relationship with your husband. Fortunately, you met his right hand quite early and quickly became friends. You had more time to speak with him and soon after you became friends, you were already secretly kissing in the company’s lift.<br/><br/></p>
<p>You cupped his cheeks, approached his face from yours, hoping to get a kiss or at least, a light caress of his lips. His breath was teasing your lips, you couldn’t resist more and your eyes begged him to give you a kiss. <em>How could he do that to you? He literally devoured your lips in the room’s entrance and now he was reluctant to kiss you?</em>His hands ran all over your body, trying to shift your attention somewhere else. He perfectly knew well you were dying to capture his lips and he enjoyed making you yearn until you asked him aloud, whispering softly in his ear with a voice that only him had the privilege to hear it. <br/><br/>His playful fingers under your bra’s strap, he didn’t wait long to pull it down, almost revealing the shape of your breast. You met his burning gaze, still starving of a kiss but also asking a question that was still unanswered since your first kiss in the lift:</p>
<p><br/><br/><em>“</em> <em>Shouldn’t we stop?”</em><br/><br/></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/><br/>“Cut!! Thank you, this scene was great!”<br/><br/>After you and your partner had separated, you thanked the director for his compliments. While you were pulling up your bra’s strap, your assistants came to you with a dressing gown and fixed your hair and makeup in order to prepare the next scene. <br/>You sipped in your ice tea while you were revising the lines you had to say next. Actually, there were not many lines, although you had to memorise each gesture and expression you had to do. Once your makeup was done again, you glimpsed at your reflection on the mirror in front of you. Your cheeks were still red and you suddenly became aware of your heart beating as fast as you were playing the latter scene. <br/><em>Good,</em> you were still in the character. <br/><br/></p>
<p><br/>—<br/><br/></p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>Once the last scene was taken, you quickly changed yourself into comfortable clothes before your manager drove you back at your house. Nobody will see you at this time - it was almost midnight and you had no fear to meet a fan next to your flat. <br/><br/>Your manager left you next to the doorstep, did a quick summary of your schedule for tomorrow before leaving you after you had thanked him. </p>
<p><br/>As usual, when you were coming back late at home, too lazy to cook something decent, you decided to scarf down two cups of instant noodles. Then, you took a quick shower and waiting for your hair to dry, you took your script and opened it to the page your director had marked to you to revise for tomorrow. Again, there were a few lines to remember but it was mostly a sequence of gestures you had to play.<br/><br/>Closing your eyes, breathing deeply, you got into your character: a young woman almost in her thirties, the wife of a well-known company director, but also his secretary, having an affair with his right-hand colleague. After having flirted for months and secretly dating, they finally did the deed and tomorrow’s scene will be about the morning they woke up after their first night. <br/><br/>“Good morning,” you said gently with a sleepy face. “Did you sleep well?”<br/><br/>You read his line in your head, imagining his voice and his face in front of yours, his hand caressing your cheek as the script ordered to. <br/><br/>“Mmh, yeah. What time is it? Alright. Eh? Don’t worry about him, love.”<br/><br/>You let yourself fall in your sofa - the script said he was pining you on the bed, imprisoning you with his body. <br/><br/>“Eh? Again?” you whined teasingly. “Don’t you wanna wait tonight?” you said, imagining the scene. “Alright, as you please Ga—”<br/><br/>You grunted, suddenly being out of character as you thought of your co-star.<br/>Gaku Yaotome. The son of the well-known Yaotome producer in which rumours were swirling. It was the first time you worked with him and you were quite intimidated by his aura: of course, you knew him as a singer, but you didn’t expect him to be such a talented actor. His performance stunned you the first scene you had taken with, so much that you had almost forgotten your lines. Fortunately, you managed to play as good as him and he had praised you - the stress you had for the next scenes had been taken away and you could concentrate again on your role. Before you realise it, you became quite close of Gaku and after each shooting, you were hanging out to eat dinner and to drink, sometimes ending up in each other’s houses to work on your play and exchanging some pieces of advice. <br/><br/>You thought you were only co-workers - friends seemed to be a big word for the relationship you had. However, quite recently, one or two weeks before, you felt something other than a mere appreciation and admiration. Hot scenes came one after another and you felt normal feeling a racing heartbeat, a bright flush on your cheeks and a desire to be more beautiful than usual. You had played many scenes of this kind hundred of times with different actors and after the shooting, you could easily get out of your character. However, Gaku was different than the others. It sounded <em>cliché</em> to admit this but it was what you felt. He was driving you crazy, as your character would say. What would you say? He was making you feel weird and confused. Less sexy than what you used to show on the screen. <br/><br/>Perhaps were you caught in your character. It happened to some actors and you have heard some of your famous fellow talking about this in interviews. You never had thought it would happen to you - you had taken care to put some distance between you and your character, even if some of them were very similar to the real you. You had managed to keep your professionalism and your privacy apart and it worked quite well. Until now.<br/><br/>You perfectly knew well that you couldn’t date Gaku. Idols and actors are not allowed to date, to keep this desirable image to their fans. There was some controversy against this rule in foreign countries but Asian countries were quite reluctant to allow this, although the public opinion seemed in somewhat favourable to see celebrities dating each other. However, in every fan base, there were those little groups of extremist fans whose voices always were higher than others. <br/><br/>Speaking of the devil, you received a call from him. You didn’t hesitate whether you’ll answer because the moment you thought about it, you were already saying “hello” to him.<br/><br/>“Hey, (Name),” he whispered through the phone. “I’m sorry if I have wake you up.”<br/>“It’s fine. What’s up?”<br/>“Well... I don’t know where to start,” he said, hesitating. <br/>“Go ahead,” you simply said. <br/>“Have you ever gotten out of your character while you were playing?”<br/><br/>You chuckled. What a weird coincidence.<br/><br/>“Have you?” he asked when he heard your laugh. “How have you dealt with it?”<br/>“Actually... It’s the first time it happens to me,” you confessed. <br/><br/>Your heart was racing so much that you had to get a glass of water to calm yourself down. You barely had the time to process what he was saying that you were already replying. Your heart was speaking faster than your brain, and this feeling was exciting but also awfully stressing. <br/><br/>“I’m confused,” Gaku whined, breaking a short silence between you two. “I don’t know what to do.”<br/>“Neither do I. I’m sorry.”<br/><br/>You had a longer career than him as an actress, you were supposed to help him when he had a problem, but you couldn’t. You felt as powerless as him.<br/><br/>“What should we do?” you asked.<br/><br/>It was somehow strange how you talked to each other about the same problem. Part of you thought you were talking about the same subject, about the same feelings (although he didn’t mention feelings) while the other part of you was trying to convince you that he only had a technical problem, like thinking about something else while playing. It happened to you when you had started, sometimes you wondered what you would eat for lunch time. <em>Love is an illusion</em>, you thought although you hoped he shared your feelings.<br/><br/>“I don’t know. Let’s force ourselves to stay in the character or at least, try to pretend we’re in the character while filming,” you proposed even though you thought it would be awfully hard. You couldn’t think otherwise.<br/>“And after?” he asked, worried.<br/>“We’ll see.”<br/><br/>Both of you chuckled and immediately changed the topic. Part of you felt almost euphoric to know he was sharing your feelings but your other part felt worried, overwhelmed by unanswered questions. Tomorrow, you’ll try to do what you have said. <br/>After all, you were an actress, it shouldn’t be<em>that</em> difficult.</p>
<p><br/><br/>—<br/><br/><br/></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Today was the last day of filming. Your feelings were stuck between satisfaction after having achieved a long project and the feeling of being torn apart. You sipped in your glass of iced tea to get rid of the imaginary bitter taste in your mouth. Producers and directors applauded you and Gaku, congratulating for your hard work. <br/><br/>“And now?” Gaku asked, sitting next to you.<br/><br/>You internally sighed. Those words brought you back to reality - your feelings towards him. You met his gaze for the first time out of the filming. Usually, when you were talking to people, you looked at their space between their eyebrows. You didn’t know why did that, it always had been a habit you couldn’t get rid of. <br/><br/>You couldn’t read his eyes. They were beautiful, though, that’s all you had noticed. Confused, you just uttered:<br/><br/>“I don’t know.”<br/>“Let’s just see,” he said, kindly smiling. “I’m happy to have worked with you,” he said in a formal way that surprised you.<br/><br/>He was putting some distance between you. It was so sudden that you almost felt someone stabbed your stomach.<br/><br/>“The pleasure is mine. You’re really good.”<br/>“Thank you so much. You’re amazing and I’m glad to have learned from you.”<br/><br/>You didn’t know whether it was awkward or normal to speak to him in a such formal way when you had spent your last six months hanging out with him in your private life. You had this routine with many other actors and never did you feel like that. <br/><br/>“I hope we can work again together.”<br/>“So do I,” you replied with a smile, secretly hoping it will be in a very close future.</p>
<p><br/><br/>—<br/><br/></p>
<p><br/>One year passed since you had fallen in love - yes you could put the word love to your feelings towards Gaku. You somehow kept in touch with him although it was less often than it used to be. You met him at least once in two months at a soba restaurant and discussed your respective careers. You never mentioned again the subject of getting out of the character while playing - it was off-topic and not relevant. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your feelings for him seemed to have faded away. At least, that was what your recent meetings seemed to have proved you, although you were still not convinced by yourself. You were sure that it would take some more time and all you could do was waiting. This process could have been easier if you haven’t been asked to play with him again. Of course, the professional part of you looked forward to playing with him for the past six months but your other part preferred to avoid it: your feelings would do such a fuss in your brain while playing. You’d rather not imagine your performance if so, but you still signed for the new project. Fortunately, the script was different and the plot was opposite to the last film: you hated each other and the climax would be on a duel trying to kill each other.<br/><br/>The first day of the filming came so quickly that you haven’t read nor even skim-read your script yet. It was so unprofessional from you, and you blamed yourself for being overwhelmed by your feelings so easily. <br/>Fortunately, the first day was only a quick introduction of the staff, setting and the desires of the director. After this quick session, you returned to your dressing room and checked your schedule with your manager on the phone. As always, you were busy and barely had a minute for yourself.<br/><br/>You heard someone knocking on the door. <em>Have you forgotten something on the stage? </em><br/><br/>“Come in!”<br/><br/>You quickly concluded with your manager as you saw a familiar silhouette. <br/><br/>“Hi, Gaku,” you greeted with a smile while hanging up. <br/>“Hi, (Name). Glad to work with you again.”<br/>“Same goes for me.”<br/><br/>After you had quickly talked about the story, you let out a sigh. Your character and Gaku’s weren’t lovers, but enemies. It should be even more easier to forget your feelings about him - that’s what you thought<br/><br/><br/>“By the way, have you solved your problem? I mean—your character, your play, you know,” you asked Gaku.<br/><br/>He first looked surprised that you asked him, then he calmly replied:<br/><br/>“I think yes.”<br/>“Good.”<br/><br/><em>Because I haven’t.</em><br/>It should be easier for you then. If it’s one-sided, you’ll suffer and in order to get rid of this suffering, you’ll have to forget your feelings<em>. Good</em>. Unconsciously, you smiled bitterly — in theory, it was easy but the practice was hard. <br/><br/>“Actually, only partially,” he said. “I’m sure I’m not in the character now, but my feelings are still the same. Do you—”<br/>“If you’re going to ask me whether it’s a problem or not, I’ll say that’s up to you,” you cut him off brushing his lips with the tip of your fingers. “If your character is gone, then your feelings are real.”<br/><br/>It surprised you how forward you were with him — putting your fingers so naturally on his lips as though you were always doing it when you were together. Moreover, your words sounded as if they were coming from a cheesy novel and it surprised you how you said them: maybe you needed those words to be sure of your feelings. You knew very well that now, you were out of the character you played with him and you were sure of your feelings. However, you had to get rid of them: even though he was playing your enemy for this movie, you just couldn’t hold back your emotions that easily. People are weak when they’re in love and the hundred of romantic comedies you had played in your career were solid arguments.<br/><br/>Gaku smiled.<br/><br/>“Then I love you.”<br/>“What? I—” you stuttered, blushing in confusion. <br/>“I love you,” he repeated. “Wasn’t I clear enough?” he whined. “Or maybe you don’t love me?”<br/>“I do! I just—” <br/><br/>It seemed so impossible that you almost wanted to pinch yourself to wake up from a dream. A good one though, you didn’t want to wake up from it. <br/><br/>“I just don’t believe it— It sounds too good,” you whispered. <br/>“That’s my line! I expected to be rejected, to be honest,” he said, relieved. “May I kiss you?” he asked, approaching his face from yours. <br/>“Yes...”<br/><br/>His lips lightly brushed yours, shyly as though it was your first kiss. You had kissed each other several times in various manners — tenderly, passionately, feverishly but this one seemed totally different. Both of you were intimidated by the other, wondering how you would kiss, how you would react and how would it feel, as a real first kiss. Finally, your lips met for a long lasting kiss, calming and quiet. No tongues nor teasing, just a gentle kiss — it didn’t resemble the hundred ones he had given you on the set. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, I absolutely love Gaku, that's no secret for anyone and ughghgh the new season... ughghgg I'm still in love with this man and have you seen the recently i7 live on Youtube? I died when Wacchan sang, I'm in love with his voice, WOW I have no words... and CRESCENT RISE!!! GAKU CENTER!! I'M!! DYING!!</p>
<p>Thank you for reading by the way ahaha, sorry for screaming my love for him</p></blockquote></div></div>
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